He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
there is glitter all over my balls
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