Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize