just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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