Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
