Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
