Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
