I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
