Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
His nipple licking is glorious
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