We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
