Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am mentally ready for anal.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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