Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
