Me. At least after what I've been through.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
