Well apparently he's into motor boating.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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