i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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