Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
