Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
