What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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