Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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