are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
