You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
