I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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