idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
