My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
