im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
