so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
