The best revenge is premature balding
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
