I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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