He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
