Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
