can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize