I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When did angry sex become our thing?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
