Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
