Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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