I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
