this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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