I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
