If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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