I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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