But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Buhtt sex?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
