I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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