They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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