Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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