the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I had to cum in my sink.
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