the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
