it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
