After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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