Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize