I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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