Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
