Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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