so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
