After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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