McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hippo gnu deer
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
