So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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