FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
