evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
