checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
