their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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