I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
