bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
