I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
