My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
