I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
