hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
