I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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