Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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