why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
